Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Wedding Wednesday: Marriage Lessons from the Experienced

Best advice EVER, hands-down.
Enjoy ladies!

xo,
VRB

Tori has asked me to write about having a "successful marriage." Oh, how I wish that marriage came with a playbook. I would learn all the plays, practice them every day, go into the game and WIN. I am a competitor and I love to win. Failure is not an option. But, sadly all we really have is example and experience. I am so blessed to have a little of both.

My parents have a 40 year marriage. I have witnessed their good and bad times and their constant commitment to stay married. That person you swore to love through the best of times is the same person you swore to love through the worst of times. So do it. Suck it up and figure out how to love them even on the days you don't like them. Love them more when it's not easy.

Experience has taught me that in the heat of the moment SHUT UP! Don't say things you can't take back and don't call each other derogatory names. Who ever said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" must not have ever been called a bitch by the person they loved and trusted. It stays with you and will show up in other areas of your relationship. So even though you may have forgiven them, or they forgave you, it isn't ever really forgotten.

A healthy marriage will have disagreements sometimes even all-out-battles. But, try to ask yourself "the five fives." Will this matter to me in 5 minutes. 5 hours. 5 days. 5 months. Or in 5 years? Being the passionate person that I am (or hot headed, I prefer passionate) I have come to realize that most of the time it won't matter to me in 5 minutes, let alone 5 years. So try to keep your cool and learn to walk away and take a breath. Inhale.... Exhale....Think before you speak.

Apologize! Apologize first, quickly and sincerely. If both partners are working hard at mending the fence neither of you will have to look back and wonder why the first bad storm blew it over. I've never looked back on a relationship and regretted saying I was sorry.

JOW is my BFF. We were friends before we were lovers, before we were partners, and before we were parents. Don't lose sight of the person you were initially attracted to. Have conversations about your needs, desires, things that are funny. It's okay even necessary to discuss finances, work, kids, your families, but make sure it isn't all you talk about. Dream together and dream big! Jeremy and I love to talk about retiring in Turks and Caicos. That may not happen but it's our dream. It is however very realistic to picture growing old with him even if it's not in the Caribbean.

And for the Love of Everything Sacred- have a great sex life. There, I said it! Ladies, I cannot say this enough. Don't be too busy, too stressed, or too tired. Sex is so important to your marriage. It is the defining factor that separates this relationship from all the others that you have. Enjoy the intimacy of your partner, often and without him having to initiate it every time. He feels loved and appreciated through sex. You may feel it through other aspects of your relationship and he works hard at meeting those needs even when he is too busy, too stressed or too tired.

And pray for your marriage. If you don't believe in God...well, pray to whom ever or whatever you do believe in because I promise you won't make it through the hard times and believe me, there will be hard times, without Divine Intervention!

I am Kendra Lia. I am a Christian. A wife. A partner. A mother. A daughter. A friend. A cousin. An Aunt. A niece. A coach. A fan. A teacher. A student. A dog owner. A taxi service. A short order cook. And at times a Republican. But most importantly... I am Jerm's Girl.

3 comments:

  1. Amazing Kendra! Such an inspiration! <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are Kendra....an awesome thirty-something woman that this fifty-something woman admires. Nice writing, Kendra. Guess who??

    ReplyDelete